I once said to a straight guy...

"If you were gay, I'd do you."
Then I laughed and said, "Oh I meant, If I were gay, I'd do you."

"Bend over and I'll show you."

Every question can successfully be answered with the response, "bend over and I'll show you". I want there in be sarcasm in this truth, but nevertheless, I digress. If this in fact true, it has profound implications. What about that phrase enables it to answer anything? For example: you might ask, "is he serious?", thereby my reply would be, "bend over and I'll show you".

I feel like there was something I'm supposed to be doing...

I love this blog because it gives me something to do all day while I'm at work.

We must respect sarcasm.

Common sense. What is that? Two words commonly used together that make little sense together. It has to be an intended irony. Common sense doesn't exist. Instead exists "the indigo" of the intelligent spectrum; something between the blue of the understood and the violet of the unknown. Indigo's gone!!!! Was it ever really there? Sarcasm is the only chisel with which to chisel the barnacles from the crust of common sense. Without sarcasm, common sense rests as an elusive illusory construct of an inexcusable reason for an excuse. We need sarcasm to get to the molten nougat center of the intelligence DumDum; the mystery flavored one with all the question marks on it.

In Case You Forgot...

...How To Cook Your Turkey

1. Go buy a turkey
2. Take a drink of whiskey
3. Put turkey in oven
4. Take another two drinks of whiskey
5. Set the degree at 375 ovens
6. Take three more whiskeys of drink
7. Turn oven the on
8. Take for whisks of drinkey
9. Turk the bastey
10. Whiskey another bottle of get
11. Stick a turkey in the thermometer
12. Glass yourself another pour of whiskey
13. Bake the whiskey for four hours
14. Take the oven out of the turkey
15. Take the oven out of the turkey
16. Floor the turkey up off of the pick
17. Turk the carvey
18. Get yourself another scottle of botch.

Happy Thanksgiving!

That there is blog post!!!!

I find stupid people amusing, intellectually colorful despite their monochromatic experiential understanding of life. I wish I was stupid - that way I could better communicate with those intellectually less fortunate than myself; to better see the inherent worth of grey outside the confines of my wardrobe. Don't you agree? If not, that's cool, it just means you're a stupid idiot. Consider yourself lucky that you can read.

Isn't it ironic?

I usually write my introductions last.

Bad titles for Journal/ Conference Papers

"What's the point: Bush is just going to send them all away to get killed anyway" - David

New word from old words.

Sargasm [sawr-gaz-uhm] noun: 1. a sarcasm induced orgasm.

Official Oxford Dictionary Definition of Sarchasmic?

Are you proposing it would be something along the lines of, "an orgasm caused by sarcasm?"